Parkside Q

Diagnosis: Irony Deficiency

Date: July 21, 2008 issue

Patient: The New Yorker

Vital Stats: 80+ years old, 8.5" x 11", <1 lb.

Symptoms: Expressed perceptions of political world misaligned with reality; projecting fearful imagery induced by paranoia; fatigue and exhaustion exacerbated by anemic response to others' genuine concern. Patient was also unaware of fractured humerus.

Diagnosis: Patient is suffering from "Irony Deficiency", rarely seen over the course of patient's past medical history. Usually topical and satirically relevant, patient has succumbed to this disorder, rendering its cover to fall flat on its attempt to convey intellectual lampooning.

Outlook: Patient will be under observation until symptoms improve; smarter editorial decisions will greatly reduce recovery time.

John McCain: Change You Can Xerox

Hat tip to Sam Stein at HuffPo for catching this:

Clearly, even McCain doesn't want to vote for McCain; he wants ObaMcCain to be the next President. Above is a recent screengrab of both Obama and Gramps McCain's websites. Notice something eerie about the second pic (besides Gramps' pedo-smile)? McCain's page has adopted the stylistic cues (not to mention a blatant slogan ripoff) of Obama's own web portal. As much as I can't stand his music, Soulja Boy said it best: "I see you trying to do it like me, man that shit was ugly."

His feeble attempt to co-opt Obama's inspirational phrase completely misses the mark; we aren't drawn to Obama because of his logo (as nice as it looks), we praise him for his honesty, his principles, and his uncanny ability to rise above playing "politics as usual". Obama's message of hope, reform, and rebuke of the failed policies of the Bush years has been consistent since day 1, and people are starting to recognize that.

To contrast, in a widely-panned speech delivered near New Orleans last night, McCain admonished the government's response to Katrina, calling out its "failure... to meet even its basic responsibilities." This man really had the gall to come out of his mouth criticizing government reaction to the disaster, when he himself voted against freeing up federal emergency relief aid for victims in Louisiana and elsewhere. What's that smell? Oh, that's just the horseshit McCain's talking.

Gramps is only willing to say and do whatever he thinks will get him votes. How can "we believe in" him when he doesn't even believe in himself enough to stand on his own two feet, without damn near infringing on his opponent's artistic license?  Even Fox News asked, "Why use Obama's slogan?"; it's very telling when even the GOP media vehicle itself calls out McCain on his ineptness at swagger-jacking.

They say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery", but I doubt there's a single bone of sincerity left in Gramps McCain's aging body. He's a double-talking slogan-stealing war-mongering joke of a candidate, whose only reason for stepping foot in the White House should be as part of a walking group tour.

Also, Gramps needs to fire his entire website design team. Man, that shit looks ugly.

And The Academy Award For "Worst Front Page Oscars-Related Headline" Goes To...

For those of you from New York (and even those of us, like me, that aren't), you have some sort of familiarity with The New York Post. More than likely, you have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it for its light, distractive nature which perfectly complements hectic subway commutes, but hate it for being so trashy sometimes. Which brings me to today's headline.

Unless you're living under the Williamsburg Bridge (in which case, how would you be reading this?), you probably know that the Academy Awards was on last night. I won't get into who won or whatever (too many other blogs have done the heavy lifting for me on this one), but I want to point out how The Post decided to introduce this year's winners, and why I fucking hate it.